feandra:

dustydreamsanddirtyscars:

feandra:

snowlantern:

9.18 | Meta Fiction

THIS SCENE IS SO INTERESTING
WHAT ACTUALLY IS HAPPENING WITHIN DEAN HERE

He reminded me so much of a lost kid in that scene. The way he was crouching against the wall, exhausted and horrified. He’s talking to Sam as if he was trying to convince himself that this is what actually happened…  that the ‘bad’ thing he did was almost killing Gadreel when in reality the truly horrible thing was that he didn’t kill him: not because ‘they needed him to talk’ but because Gadreel wanted to be killed. 

Another wondeful wonderful scene.Actually, to me this felt like Dean – in a twisted way – asking for help and at the same time realizing that him and Gadreel might have more in common than he’d like to admit (the wish to die for example – though it remains up to discussion whether Gadreel really wanted to die or if he was just pretending) and it scares him, because he knows himself less and less. And with every look in the mirror it’s getting worse, not better. Dean seems to be completely out of touch with himself. Tired, exhausted, done, unable to grasp, who he is.

Oh yes, this actually makes it even more horrifying. Because if we think about how Dean may have recognized himself in Gadreel and how he probably even understood that Gadreel wasn’t necessarily referring to Dean but to both of them, it would mean he’s not only beating Gadreel to a bloody mess but himself as well. I’m sure people have already been talking about this but it definitely looks like Dean was confronting his own more-or-less subconscious deathwish in that moment… I feel like he’s equal parts horrified, defeated and scared by what just happened between him, Gadreel and the mark. And as he’s lying there while Sam approaches, he’s completely lost with no sense of direction left (at least until he gets back up and rebuilds his protective layers that keep out any unwelcome sense of self-awareness).