#honestly earbuds are the best invention ever for this exact reason
what the actual fuck.
are we shitting on this guy because he wanted to go and just talk to a girl. I mean yeah, this is a clear intentional overreaction for the sake of comedy. but are girls really like “ear buds are awesome for defending against asshole guys bugging me.”
I didn’t realize someone walking up to you to say hi made them an asshole or meant they were trying to get into your pants, my apologies.There’ve been a few of these comments, so I’ll just address this one real quick: nobody’s shitting on anyone (despite the rather graphic claims of the clearly intentionally overreacting dude who posted this). We – as in women – are sharing a profound truth about social interactions while being in public. Namely, that the overwhelming majority of times that men (not “someone,” men) walk up to us to say hi, they are trying to get into our pants. And this is based on experience. This is not based on us being full of ourselves. This is not based on one bad interaction amidst a plethora of good ones. This is us saying, “we’ve had numerous interactions in public with men we do not know, and we’ve decided that the number of times that we have a nice, pleasant conversation does not outweigh the number of times we have had a gross or unpleasant conversation. So we’ve decided to take steps to put up boundaries rather than risk the gross or unpleasant conversations.”
I mean, go and read through the reblogs of this – women talk about men who have literally ripped the earbuds out of these women’s ears in order to ask them their names, or to “just say hi.” Do you really think that men who do this are just being friendly? Then why don’t we hear about this happening to men from women invading their space and bothering them? Why don’t we hear men complaining about other men doing it, or women complaining about other women doing it? Doesn’t the fact that these experiences are all going one way – that they are all women talking about the times that men have done this to them – register with you at all?
And do you really think all the women who are, in your view, shitting on this guy are doing so out of some bizarre desire to be mean? Or is it possible that they are recognizing a type of man that they have had numerous run-ins with and have learned to defend themselves against, and they are happy to hear that their defense is working? Is it just barely possible that women are laughing at this man because they are glad to see a confirmation of what they’ve long suspected, which is that male strangers approach them, it’s rarely out of a genuine friendliness but rather a desire to fuck her?
Because heres’ the thing: you’re pretending that all this guy wanted to do was “just talk to a girl,” but that’s total bullshit based on what the poster actually said – he has a crush on her, he was planning a “cold approach,” he was angry enough at being prevented to write a very badly-written rant about it. He did, in fact, want into her pants. And a woman has every right to shut that down at whatever stage she damn well pleases.
Also, if this guy was going for comedy, he deserves to be made fun of for being such a shitty comedian.
Its rants like this that make nice guys scared to approach women. Women wonder why actual nice guys never ask them out, here’s why, we’re terrified of being lumped in with the assholes who ask you out, stop assuming all men want the same thing, its not a majority of men, its a majority of men who are ballsy enough to approach. And why do the nice guys never approach, just when we work up the nerve to ask you out, youve gone and ranted about how all guys wanna do is fuck you. And we lose our nerve again.
OK listen close here, because you’re not getting it. If. You. Want. To. Hit. On. A. Complete. Stranger. Based. On. The. Fact. That. You. Think. She. Is. Attractive. Without. Knowing. Anything. Else. About. Her. Then. You. Are. Not. A. Nice. Guy. And. You. Are. In. Fact. One. Of. Those. Assholes.
Maybe. I’d. Like. To. Get. To. Know. Her? Maybe. I’m. Not. Just. Trying. To. Fuck. Her? MAYBE. I’m. Willing. To. Take. A. Chance. On. A. Stranger?
And that’s the WHOLE PROBLEM, because you expect your willingness to take a chance on a female stranger to be the end of the debate. You’re completely ignoring the fact that women get to decide whether they want to take a chance on a male stranger – and you’re also being incredibly dishonest about what “take a chance” means for men and women. For you, “take a chance” means “risk that my sexual interest in this woman will not lead to a relationship.”For that woman you’re asking out, “take a chance” for a woman involves weighing the risk that you will beat, rape, assault, or kill her.This conversation isn’t happening in some mythical land where rape and assault never happens, or happens to all genders equally. This is the real world, where women (both cis and trans, btw) are at a disproportionate risk of violence from men. And we have been taught over and over and over again that if men are violent towards us, often we will be blamed for it. So while you’re deciding if you want to date the barista at your coffee shop, she’s deciding if turning you down will mean that you’ll throw that hot coffee she just poured for you in her face.Approaching a woman you don’t know and asking her out right away is a huge red flag, because by asking for a date without any other information about her, you have indicated a number of things:
- you think your sexual interest in her entitles you to find out more about her and determine whether or not you are interested in her as a person
- you do not think of her as a threat in any way; of the two of you, you believe yourself to be the more powerful person, and thus you are risking very little by starting a relationship with a stranger
- you believe the onus should be on her to refuse, even though you have given her no reason to believe you will accept refusal gracefully, because
- you are willing to break the social contract (that being that people leave each other alone in public places) merely because you are sexually attracted to her
So with all that in mind, she has to decide whether or not to agree to a date with you, a man she doesn’t know. And as a bonus, she gets to draw on her entire experience as a woman who has been in this situation before, and can compare men who have done similar things and recall how they have behaved. In the majority of cases, men who approach female strangers in public settings in order to ask them out behave badly. So why should she believe that you’re any different? What evidence does she have that you will be safe to be around?The reason nice guys don’t ask women out like this is because they’re nice guys – genuinely nice guys – who understand that there are many, many different ways to meet women and date and form relationships. They’re not scared by rants like this; they agree with them.can I get a citation of women complaining that no nice guys approach them? i’ve mostly seen women complaining of being approached by assholes. which is more likely to mean ‘i just want people to leave me alone’ than ‘i want non-assholes to approach me’
Yes. I just want people to leave me alone. When I’m out in public, surrounded by people I don’t know, yes, I want them to leave me alone. If you don’t know me you’d better have a damned good reason to start up a conversation – especially in an earbuds situation – and your horniness does not count as a good reason.
Also “cold approach” is pick-up-artist-speak for “hit on without having seen them express any signs of interest or having interacted before” even though most people defending this guy seems to act like it means “offer to be platonic friends with someone with no intentions of getting in their pants ever but simply because you think they are interesting and kind person who it would be enjoyable to hang out with”
And “just be open and receptive” is huge amounts of entitlement
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