Soooo…I had occasion to share (forcefully) my favorite episode ‘The End’ with some friends the other night. (one made the mistake of mentioning that she used to watch SPN but stopped after they raised Luci, hehehehe).
And even though her boyfriend wasn’t super into-it, he was polite and watched with us. Being casual fans, they conversed during the episode and this scene evoked lots of giggling.
And the subject was brought up: what would you tell yourself to prove to YOU that YOU were really really reallllllly YOU? And there was much chuckling and joking suggestions that quickly died off as we all simultaneously realized just what we were asking of ourselves.
To tell yourself something to PROVE without a doubt (as a time traveller) that you are yourself. It would have to be something significant, and not just “I normally eat an onion bagel every morning but this particular morning I ate a poppy seed bagel.” Because what are the odds that future or past you will remember that in a few years?
It would have to be something that no one else knows. Because if someone else knows it, then other people could know it, too. You were arrested? Records. You were caught cheating on a test? Teacher knows, admin too, plus records. You had a drunken three way with another boy and his brother? The boy and his brother probably remember that, and might have told other people!
It would have to be something that you are reasonably sure that you will not have decided to tell someone in the future. Sheesh, you were the Biebster’s biggest fan and now you’re so embarrassed about it that you NEVER tell anyone that? Sure, but what are the odds that in five years you’ll still feel that way? LBR, in five-ten years, you’ll probably be laughing about having been a Biebs-fan.
So, something significant and memorable…that you haven’t ever told anyone…and are really unlikely to EVER tell anyone…. I don’t know about y’all but in my group that ended up causing some very thoughtful faces as we realized that the only memories that fulfilled that criteria…were negative ones.
As one put it, “Yeah, I can think of what I’d tell myself to prove I’m me….and no, I won’t tell you and it’s actually not a super happy memory.”
Happy, joyous memories are shared memories. Shameful, embarrassing ones are hugged tightly to one’s soul and rarely taken out in the light of day.
The clincher here wasn’t that Dean had worn panties. Rhonda knew that, might’ve even giggled about it with her friends. Other people could know that. What seals the deal is that last phrase: what Dean has NEVER admitted to anyone and is pretty sure that he will never admit to, even in the future.
That he kinda liked it.
If he was as confidently straight and secure in his heterosexuality as some would have us believe, would that really have been such a big deal?
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