dustydreamsanddirtyscars:

11×03 “The Bad Seed”
“You’re right, there aren’t words, Cas. Cause there’s no need.”

Hands down probably one of my favourite moments of the episode. Even if utterly painful. That moment in the warehouse was the turnaround of 10×22 “The Prisoner” and I’m pretty certain that Dean remembered that confrontation between him and Cas from just days ago very vividly. There’s a reason to why he didn’t fight back, why he didn’t even lift a finger to defend himself. It’s because he didn’t want to, because he felt every single blow was earnt and well-deserved. But you know what probably does me in most? It’s how he shies away from a gentle touch and not just the possibility to be healed while he almost embraced to be beat up. We all know Dean is someone, who expresses love and care and devotion with his entire body. We know how much he craves touch and how much – and even if he wouldn’t admit it – cherishes hugs and being held. But he denies it himself. That is why this is so painful to me, because Dean is keeping his distance to atone for what he did to Cas. And he does so by keeping people at arm’s length (which Cas may understand the completely wrong way, which makes this even more freaking tragic), because he doesn’t think he is worthy of any expression of love and care. ;____; FML, I never asked to feel about a fictional character the way I do…