There once was a girl named Lenore And a bird and a bust and a door And a guy with depression And a whole lot of questions And the bird always says “Nevermore.”
Footprints in the Sand
There was a man who, at low tide Would walk with the Lord by his side Jesus said “Now look back; You’ll see one set of tracks. That’s when you got a piggy-back ride.”
Response to ‘This Is Just To Say’
This note on the fridge is to say That those ripe plums that you put away Well, I ate them last night They tasted all right Plus I slept with your sister. M’kay?
Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening
There once was a horse-riding chap Who took a trip in a cold snap He stopped in the snow But he soon had to go: He was miles away from a nap.
Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night
There was an old father of Dylan Who was seriously, mortally illin’ “I want,” Dylan said “You to bitch till you’re dead. “I’ll be pissed if you kick it while chillin’.”
I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud
There once was a poet named Will Who tramped his way over a hill And was speechless for hours Over some stupid flowers This was years before TV, but still.
THE ONE FOR DO NOT GO GENTLE
IM CRYING
A chap from a faraway land Said two big stone legs (topless) stand An inscription fine Reads “this shit’s all mine” But all there’s to see is the sand.
OMFG,
CREDIT MUTHAFUCKAS. These were written by retired internet comedian Lore Sjöberg years ago; a lot his archived stuff has been taken down, but some of it is still available at his early website Brunching Shuttlecocks and his later one Bad Gods. He’s best known for his “ratings” humor columns, but I’ve always enjoyed his “Speak with Monsters” D&D comics.
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