this describes exactly EXACTLY my thoughts/feelings on the ‘pining’ situation (like, seriously – the breakdown of reactions to that line and the whole thought process about it is SO EXACTLY MINE it’s creepy – high fiv for being analysis twins on this, or something! :p)
Just gonna pick out the following for being particularly astute imo:
Mildred has created this construction of Dean–that Dean is single, he’s pining for someone, but he’s afraid to go after it, to follow his heart. and we already know that Dean is afraid of his attraction to Amara. he stated that explicitly in this very episode. but the subtext of the episode also suggested that he’s ALSO afraid of his attraction to Cas–for different reasons. and so maybe the ambiguity persists, maybe the attraction to Cas remains nothing but potentially unintentional subtext. when we hear Dean is pining for someone, it could come off as creepy–Mildred unintentionally referring to his connection with Amara.
where I think I honestly, honestly have to push back on that skepticism though, is where Mildred encourages Dean to go after what he desires, to “follow his heart,” that this is the secret to a long and happy life. […] and I think word choice is key, too–if the intended effect was a creepy allusion to Amara, it would have been far better for Mildred to say “I know when someone’s heart already belongs to someone else.” if she had said that, I would immediately assume it was an Amara thing. it would have had the right air of creepy, of the unwelcome possessiveness she exhibits toward Dean. but pining?Dean cannot resist Amara when he’s around her, but he’s hardly ‘pining’ for her. so it can’t be about Amara. it’s so clear, then, that it must be Cas. we know that Dean enjoys Cas’s company, that he misses him when he’s gone. Cas has the best shot of anyone at giving Dean a long and happy life. isn’t that a known truth, with or without the romantic factor?
Bolded parts are what I think are particularly key –
Dean is explicitly SCARED of his ‘attraction’ to Amara, that is stated outright. But as said above, he is arguably implied as scared of his feelings for / attraction to CAS as well. There’s a proper parallel between the two relationships going on.
But as with all parallels, they are about highlighting the DIFFERENCES as much as the similarities between two things – and the central difference here is, imo, the nature of Dean’s fear in both instances.
Why is he is scared of his ‘attraction’ to Amara? So far it seems to me because the attraction doesn’t seem his own, it is something being forced on him (hence why he feels he CAN’T resist it), and he is scared it will overpower him and take away his free will, change him into someone he doesn’t want to be.
Why is he scared of his (potential) attraction to Cas? This is ofc less clear, as it hasn’t been addressed specifically, but I think we can at the very least say he is NOT scared of Cas or his feelings for Cas overriding his free will? – which alone is a major difference, marking his fears about his feelings for Cas as the OPPOSITE to the kind of fear he feels about Amara. Based on my general reading of Dean over the course of the show I would say he is afraid of his feelings for Cas because, again unlike with Amara, he knows these feelings ARE his own and is a) anxious about what that means about who he is, since Cas is (to all intents and purposes) a guy, and as I read Dean that’s something that will trouble him, like he’ll think him as a guy having ~feelings for another guy is weak or weird or some macho bullshit and c) afraid what the consequences might be if he acts on his feelings – which means fear of a shit ton of things, like if Sam might be weird around him if he became romantically involved with Cas, if Cas were to reject his advances, if embarking on another romantic relationship might lead to tragedy/heartbreak like his previous ones, if Cas being romantically involved with him might turn out harmful for Cas etc.
In a nutshell –
I think Dean is scared of his ‘attraction’ to Amara because
he DOESN’T LIKE OR WANT the feelings he has for her and certainly DOESN’T WANT TO ACT ON THEM, but equally DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO RESIST THEM.
While in opposition, I think Dean is scared of his (potential) attraction to Cas because he DOES LIKE AND WANT the feelings he has for him and absolutely DOES WANT TO ACT ON THEM, but equally DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO EMBRACE THEM.
So… yeah – these two relationships, with Amara and Cas, really do seem at this point to have been placed in tandem to show (as many have been saying all along) that they are equal but OPPOSITE to each other (right down to the sexes involved).
(and yeah, only in one of the two relationships does Dean’s feelings, as they seem to me to be being conveyed, really fit, well ANY definition of ‘pining’ – so I agree that word choice feels ~significant)
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