dean has died a lot but is this the first time he actually had to watch himself die? i have to imagine that that had a profound effect on him, regardless of what was happening with sam. i think this is going to be a big wakeup call for him. he thought sam was dead, learned he wasn’t but still had to watch himself die. dean thought he wasn’t coming back and i think that is an experience that is really going to force him to reexamine how he treats his life so flippantly.
There is only one other instance where I think he’s actually seen his dead body and that was that episode he paid that guy to kill him so he could talk to Death to get Sam’s soul back. And then there was that episode where Pamela put them in like an astro projection state but that’s not really death.
But this was a more violent death this was the sloppy, desperate attempt. It wasn’t well thought out. More like the “give ‘em hell” attitude and see if it works. And the scary thing, and you pointed out was he didn’t care if he made it back until he knew Sam was alive.
I like what you said about him forcing to reexamine how he treats himself. It reminds me of Cas making that decision to let Lucifer in because he can’t stand himself and he’s in such a low point.
These guys get scary when they are depressed and desperate.
yes!! like billie said, she thought of a million ways for dean to die but never suicide. if he were shot or attacked by some kind of monster at least he could still find some kind of dignity in the fact that he died protecting others. but here he is vomiting and convulsing on the floor and there was no reason for it other than his own unnecessary actions. and he had to watch and come to terms with this is how his life might have ended. this death was messy and it had to be.
So this is all reminding me of a few episodes:
The beginning reminded me of “Faith”
And then talking about this dying with dignity thing reminds me of “In My Time of Dying” when Dean was talking with Tessa.
And then, like with my line above and how you’re talking about suicide, it reminds me of “In My Time of Dying” again when John was described as suicidally reckless which I think really sums up Dean, at least mostly in this episode.
And finally it reminds me of “The Vessel” episode just recently where Dean was “Just a Witness”. He didn’t do too much this episode. He got the people out yes but he didn’t do much but witness his own suicide.
Like he walked a VERY thin line tonight like one small push and he would have been gone, forever.
His almost death tonight was very very very rough and it was 100% his own actions based on a knee jerk reaction. And like you said, if he died doing something he might have been okay with it. But he would have died for literally nothing tonight, and that I think is really showing how low and depressed and desperate and unhealthy Dean really is right now. Especially if you factor in Sam is the last thing he has right now and Dean is very bad at being alone.
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