superwhooocrankthatsouljaboy:

Quick, look at this list.  Which Winchester brother does is make you think of?

• Assertive or dominant
• Good student
• Self-disciplined 
• Motivated
• Respectful of authority
• Mature 

Is it Sam?  It’s Sam, isn’t it.  That’s a list of traits for firstborns.

Now look at this list of traits.  Who does this make you think of?

• Charming
• Affectionate
• Immature
• Rebellious
• Empathetic
• Popular

Dean this time?  Well, that’s a list of traits for youngest children.

Now, let’s talk a little about how birth order determines these traits, and then I’ll tell you why these lists should be the only proof you need that Dean is Sam’s parent, not John.

So these traits don’t just appear out of nowhere.  It’s the actions of the parents that shape these general personality types based on birth order.  

For instance, when parents have their first kids, every single thing that kid does is absolutely amazing, and gets praised like crazy, because it’s the first time they’ve seen it.  

-First steps? Oh my god!  Everyone look!  I’ve never seen anything like it!

-First day of school? Spectacular.  Take a million pictures. 

-First A on a paper? Wow!  Hang it on the fridge.  This is amazing!

Because first borns get praised so much for their achievements, they learn to associate very intense good feelings with accomplishing things.  So they seek it out again and again, often going into stereotypically “successful” fields like medicine or law.  Meanwhile, when it comes to the second borns, the parents just can’t generate the same level of enthusiasm as they did for their first child.  It’s not anything malicious, it’s just a natural reaction to an experience not being as intense the second time around.  This results in the younger children not getting that early, overwhelming connection between success and happiness.  Therefore non-firstborns tend to be less driven by achievement.

Parents are also typically more hands off with their younger children. Essentially they know the drill by the time they hit the second kid, so they don’t nervously hover as much as they tend to with their eldest children.  This results in children who have more freedom to find their own path.  Getting used to that level of independence can result in rebellion when someone else does try to rein them in.  (Meanwhile the eldest children are more heavily supervised, because again, everything’s new to the parents.  Therefore these kids tend to do better with boundaries later in life. [In school, for instance.])

So let’s get back to Sam and Dean.  If all that’s true, why is Sam presenting like a firstborn, and Dean like a youngest?  It’s because Sam is a firstborn.  He’s Dean’s firstborn.  Meanwhile, John’s absent parenting is an extreme version of the normal parental tendencies that create the traits of a youngest child.

While Dean was busy getting the second child’s typical lot of subdued praise from John, he was providing Sam with the intense applause and attention that typically goes to first borns.  So Sam learned that achievement equals praise, and Dean learned that achievement doesn’t get noticed.  When Sam says his first words, I guarantee that Dean praised Sam like he hung the moon.  When Sam makes it through his first day of school, Dean probably gets him ice cream and makes a big ballyhoo about the whole thing.  Dean keeps telling Sam he’s great for every new thing he succeeds at, so Sam, like all firstborns, tries the same pattern with other adults.  And it works.  He does well in school, he gets praised by his teachers.  He does well on his LSATs, he likely gets praised by his advisors. The loop of achieve, get praised by adults, feel good, gets reinforced for Sam over and over.  So, he keeps seeking out success, because it feels right.

Meanwhile, John wasn’t around enough to praise Dean’s achievements with any consistency.  (Also, from what we’ve seen on the show, praise isn’t really John’s style.)  So, Dean doesn’t get the same feedback as Sam.  He doesn’t learn to associate success with paternal figures being proud of him.  But everyone wants to be praised, so he learns to seek approval from his peers.  He learns how to be charming, how to make people like him.  Dean becomes popular because it fills the same need that being successful fills for Sam.

And while John was treating Dean to the (very) hands off parenting style that results in the characteristic rebellion of youngest children, Dean was hovering over Sam like a brand new parent.  Dean’s never raised a kid before (obviously), so of course he watched Sam like a hawk.  You can see how this dynamic influences the Winchesters in school.  Sam got used to consistently having an authority figure direct him, so he didn’t have a problem when he encountered the same thing at school.  Meanwhile, Dean balks at school rules, because the authority he’s used to receiving is intermittent.  As a child, Dean has a lot of independence, way more than is even healthy.  He’s not used to following consistent orders. He’s used to John’s style of swoop in, give a bunch of orders, and inevitably leave again. Dean’s been left alone for long stretches of time ever since he was young.  So of course, when someone new tries to come in and tell him what to do, Dean rebels.

All of this is how we know that Dean was more Sam’s parent than John was.  If John was Sam’s actual caregiver, then Sam would act more like a youngest.  If neither John nor Dean acted as Sam’s parents, then Sam would act like a youngest for the same reasons Dean does.  The only explanation is that Dean acted as Sam’s parent, while John did not.  That is the only configuration that results in Sam having the personality traits of a firstborn, while Dean does not. (Thanks the dynamic described above, Dean actually also shows a lot of traits that orphans are more likely to present with, while Sam doesn’t.  But that is a depressing meta for another day.)