This does a good job at showing how ridiculously free-for-all and confusing WWI was.
The historical accuracy here, as a History major, makes me weep tears of joy.
*Cries of laughter*
A history major this made me extremely amused. This is beautifully accurate.
IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW
Russia gets thrown through a plate glass window, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change
I’m dying.
Can someone please do a WW2 analogy? This was really helpful!
About two months later, Germany returns to the bar. He’s had a lot of problems lately, considering he still had to pay all of his hospital bills after being robbed blind. This immediate need, coupled with some pre-existing character defects, gave him a huge chip on his shoulder and led him to fall in with the wrong crowd. Now he wants to show everyone how strong he’s become, and get some good old fashion revenge to boot.
Germany patched things up with Italy at a gang meeting, where they also met Japan and learned about his growing beef with America. Having not forgotten what that asshole did with the barstool, they let him know in advance of the mutual benefits to their alliance. When Germany, Italy, and Japan walk into the bar, Germany first approaches Austria, who’s become a shade of his former self and has stopped returning Germany’s calls. Germany pushes him around a bit until he agrees to be BFFs again. The other countries watch this warily, but don’t intervene- yeah, the drinks and glory after the last fight were all very fun, but the hangovers and the lasting injuries have left everyone in general agreement that they don’t need another one. When Japan starts a real fight with China, everyone keeps twiddling their thumbs. Italy goes and pushes around a couple of North African nations. Still nothing.
When Germany keeps up his creepy crap with Austria’s kid brother Czechoslovakia and then starts ganging up on Poland with Russia (who’s forgotten his grudge with Germany due to his brain damage), Britain and France have to draw a line and go up to tell him to knock it off. Germany throws the first punch and starts beating the crap out of everybody- including Russia, who is way too surprised at this even considering the brain damage and doesn’t really fight back at first. America is basically the only guy not in the fight yet, but he really wants in and basically dances with joy when Japan finally throws a punch at him.
France gets thrown out the window (again) but gets back up (again). Russia snaps out of his stupor and goes into a total berserker rage. America is beating up Japan and Italy, the latter going down almost immediately. With Russia fully in the fight, America helping out, Britain and France getting their second wind, and nobody else around to help because he’s been such a colossal douchenozzle, Germany realizes pretty quick that he’s screwed. Russia throws the knock out punch and then goes over to help America and his buddy China. Japan’s screwed, too, and America knows it, but instead of taking any more licks to his still mostly untouched face, America opts to take out a gun and shoot Japan in the kneecap, ending the fight immediately.
The whole bar gets real, real quiet.
Russia looks at the gun fearfully, but America just puts it away in his jacket nonchalantly and calls an ambulance for everyone, telling the half-conscious Germany that he’ll pay his hospital bills this time if he agrees to not be such an asshole. Russia begins to protest that the bastard deserves to be even further in debt. America just pats his jacket in response.
First thing Russia does when he gets out of the hospital is buy a gun.
The Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere, though!
Someone write the Philippines’ part in this
Also America will help paying Austria’s hospital bills if Austria promises to never ever be best buddies with Germany again.
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