The top gif is full of duty. Dean’s face is set strong, he’s not going to fall apart because he knows Sam couldn’t handle it. He’s being the parent, putting on a show. His arm stretches across Sam’s shoulders protectively and he kind of vice grips him.
But, in the second gif, Dean’s face is soft and full of regret.
He’s easier with Cas. More open and vulnerable in this shot.
There are things unsaid there, a million thoughts and nothing he can do about it, because he’s all out of time. He doesn’t vice grip Cas. His hand is dead center on his back, pushing their chests together. It’s a warm, intimate hand placement, and he just kind of holds him.
Really, his face has love in both gifs, but I think it’s two different examples of love. Familial versus romantic.
This idea is followed through later when Dean asks Cas to look out for Sam when he’s gone. Dean views himself as Sam’s parent, and asking Cas to fill in for him in his absence is like asking a significant other to step up. It’s very, very much a “look out for our son” kind of moment (without Sam actually being their son).
Of course, this is just my musings on it. If anyone has anything they’d like to add, I’m all ears!
All of this. The ‘look out for Sammy’ bit was like a married couple discussing their kid’s future after the other one is gone…
(And, since we haven’t cried enough about this – when hugging Sam, Dean is mostly sad for Sam – because he knows Sam will be alone now, and Dean hates to see his baby brother upset and in pain – but when hugging Cas, he’s also sad for himself – for all those feelings we know he wants to experience differently, maybe even for the first time and that will now come to nothing – Dean is sad for Cas, but is also sad for himself, because he’ll never know what sharing a life with Cas would have been like.)
You know he’s probably thinking “there are so many things I’d like to say, to do, but I can’t because we’re finally, for the last time, out of time.”
The angst of this post continues to haunt me to this day. Look at how it’s become relevant again.
Dean with his feelings starting to bubble out when he’s all out of time. Feelings that are easy to ignore and push down when you’re the one going off to sacrifice, and not the one who has to live with the void and ache of continuing on.
Only this time, Dean isn’t that person. This time, Cas is the one lost, and Dean’s gotta face the cold truth.
And look how well he’s starting.
This is the face of someone who is wholly unprepared to deal with the mountain of shit he’s been cramming down for nearly a decade. ESPECIALLY after he’d finally just started becoming more emotionally open and honest with himself (and the people around him) by taking a step back from his toxic tendencies and refocusing.
And ESPECIALLY when he’d been so visibly prepping and beginning to deal with those unsaid feelings in a more constructive way.
So what we’ve got now is a Dean with no walls, and the rug getting ripped out. I think it goes without saying that Season 13 is gonna hurt…
Tumblr backup 