Let me teach you a thing…

beyondromanticstuff:

What Polyamory is not:

Polygamy: Polygamy is the practice of marrying several people. It doesn’t sound so bad when you put it like that, but when you talk about it as it is performed the image changes drastically. Polygamy, as it is practiced, often involves one man marrying several women and asserting his dominance over them. He controls them, places rules on them, and this puts them in an environment of cruelty and unfairness.

This is not Polyamory.

Harem: A harem is a collection of people often collected for the purpose of sex. Depending on which cultures you look at you might get different versions of the same story, but most of the time the people in the harem are not considered equals.

This is not Polyamory.

Cheating: cheating is that act of one partner going behind the back of another to go have relations with someone else. One partner thinks everything is fine the other is clearly unsatisfied in some way. And of course this person didn’t think to communicate their dissatisfaction like an adult would. Instead they chose to lie and do something that could ultimately ruin one if not both of their current relationships.

This is not Polyamory.

Now that i’ve told you what Polyamory is not, let me tell you what it is.

I’ll make it simple: In polyamory…

…partners are loved and treated as equals.

…rules can be used but are not recommended.

…everyone knows what is going on and consents to this type of relationship, if someone does not consent, then the discussion is not over. Go back to the drawing board and figure out how to make it work. And if it can’t work? You need to decide then if everything is going to stay as is or if everything is going to change.

…partners should be treated in a way that suits their dynamic with each other. trying to be fair and giving everyone the same slice of “pie” usually leaves something to be desired.

…partners should not be treated as if they are above or below other partners because then everyone is not on equal standing and you make them feel like they have more say or no say in how things are done.

…everything is discussed openly, emotions are laid bare. No one should be judged for how they feel and no one should foist their feelings onto other people.

…communication, communication, communication. Not discussing everything and not having regular check ins with everyone can and will ruin your relationships faster than you can say quidditch.

Now there are a lot of different ways to have a polyamorous relationship. By nature a polyamorous relationship is amorphous and will change shape and feel as those within require it to change. Polyamorous relationships don’t come out of a mold factory built over several thousand generations. Polyamorous relationships are built by the hands of those who want them and they are built in a way that suits the builders, not because someone said a particular shape was right and another was wrong.

People who have multiple sex partners who are all aware of each other and consent to sharing each other are polyamorous.

People who have multiple romantic partners who

are all aware of each other and consent to sharing each other are polyamorous.

People who have both multiple sex and romantic partners and who yes all consent are, you guessed it, polyamorous.

Even people who are not romantic or sexual can be considered polyamorous. Because it’s not about romance or sex; it’s about love and trust.

*drops mic*