Those perceptions that functioning in purity culture as an asexual girl is somehow easier are all complete nonsense.
Sure, you may not have to bury yourself in shame for every sexual thought, but you’re still taught to see yourself as a commodity that you have no choice in giving away. It might alleviate some of the pressure in the moment–give you an external excuse to avoid having sex right now–but it’s all about “saving it for your future husband.” It’s training young girls to hinge their choices and their bodily autonomy off of a man they haven’t even met yet. Everything comes back to the Imaginary Future Husband and his rights over you. We were literally told how we’d be betraying him by kissing someone else, or having sexual thoughts about anyone but him. You think there was any exception for those of us betraying him by not having interest in him at all?
Don’t want that husband? Don’t want to have sex on your wedding night? Too bad, that’s what you’re here for. Bonus points on the relgious spin on the “soulmate” idea, where if you feel like this you’re resisting the Perfect Man god already has picked out for you–how dare you refuse his gift! How ungrateful!
Purity culture is never about girls not ever having sex; it’s about men’s obsession with the idea of having a girl who has no sexual experiences but them. It’s about putting control of women’s sexuality in the hands of men they haven’t even met yet. It’s about keeping food unspoiled so you can eat it later.
A woman who always remains disinterested in sex isn’t seen as “keeping herself pure” forever–she’s seen as a piece of meat at the grocery store that no one buys and it just goes rotten and gets wasted.
I’d argue sexual purity as a concept is doubly dangerous to asexual girls.
The thing about sexual purity is that it doesn’t acknowledge asexuality as a possibility. The thing about sexual purity is that it almost always goes hand-in-hand with ‘homosexuality is an abomination’, ‘sex is exclusively for making babies’ (or failing that, only acceptable within marriage), ‘women are not meant to desire sex’ and ‘wives are supposed to satisfy their husbands wants and needs’.
Asexual women face the usual threat of rape/retaliation for saying ‘‘no’‘ to men. Whether or not she’s waiting for marriage doesn’t enter into it.
But in addition to that, an asexual woman who doesn’t know she’s asexual, but DOES ‘know’ that sex is something you endure out of love or respect for her husband, is not going to see anything wrong with not wanting to have or enjoy sex with her husband.
Compulsory heterosexuality doesn’t just harm gay men and lesbians by forcing them to hide or repress themselves for fear of violence. It also harms them, and asexuals, by denying that you can *be* anything other than straight.
*LOTS* of people who aren’t straight have entered into a heterosexual marriage. These days some people feel safe enough to consider The Closet to be dishonesty or cowardice rather than the survival strategy it is. But there have been and continue to be plenty of queer people who are well into adulthood before they realize they AREN’T cisgender or straight.
I have friends who didn’t consider, couldn’t consider, questioning or exploring their gender until their mid-twenties. And I’ve met multiple lesbians, 40-60 who were married and had multiple kids prior to divorce.
As for myself, an asexual woman in a conservative part of the country: if I had been born in one of the dozens of isolated little towns, or if my family had been devoutly rather than casually religious, there is a 90% chance I would have unquestioningly married my first and only boyfriend, endured sex, have multiple children, and felt guilty and dissatisfied the whole time because SURPRISE! I’M NOT ACTUALLY STRAIGHT! I thought I was resisting temptation and my ‘‘‘reward’‘ for staying ‘‘pure’‘ was a marriage I didn’t know I could opt out of.
Sarah aynn: “no one understands me I hate you Mom for making us move out here in the middle of no where there’s not even cute boys” *runs away and finds mysterious farm*
Old man wilkinson: “this right here lil lady is a hourisey if yer can tame t it’s yoires if not it’s goin back to the horse factory”
Sarsjh: *walks up to horse and starts to pet its nose* “see girl? You and me aren’t so different after all”
Old man wonka: “why I don’t believe it she done tamed ol’ misery I reckon she ought to sign her up for the horuse show and save the farm”
*cut scene of Sarah sneaking out the house to ride her horse everyday until her mom finds out*
Mom: “young lady you are GROUNDED!!!! You are not allowed to compete in the horse show”
Staryah: “no Mom please” *runs away and almost gets hit by car but then the horse pushes the car out the way"
Mom: “fucjkfidnb maybe that’s a good horse after all”
This is inaccurate. There is never a mom, only a dad who moved out to the farm because the mom died and he got sad.
Also plot twist the dead mom was a horse lover
Bonus points if the mom died in some terrible horse-related accident, and the daughter has to sneak out to ride because the dad is overprotective.
black cats are wonderful because you can stare into the void and not only does the void stare back, sometimes it trots up to you happily and begs for pats
the void is loud and wants chicken
Sometimes I put Pride bows on the void.
this is one of my favorite additions to this post thank you so much
A hammer pounds away in the living room of a middle class home. A sanding machine smoothes the grain of the wood floor in the dining room.
But this home Pastor Ada Valiente is showing off in Los Angeles, with its refurbished floors, is no ordinary home.
“It would be three families we host here,” Valiente says.
By “host,” she means provide refuge to people who may be sought by US Immigration and Customs Enforcement, known as ICE. The families staying here would be undocumented immigrants, fearing an ICE raid and possible deportation.
The purchase of this home is part of a network formed by Los Angeles religious leaders across faiths in the wake of Donald Trump’s election. The intent is to shelter hundreds, possibly thousands of undocumented people in safe houses across Southern California.
The goal is to offer another sanctuary beyond religious buildings or schools, ones that require federal authorities to obtain warrants before entering the homes.
“That’s what we need to do as a community to keep families together,” Valiente says.
At another Los Angeles neighborhood miles away, a Jewish man shows off a sparsely decorated spare bedroom in his home. White sheets on the bed and the clean, adjacent full bathroom bear all the markers of an impending visit. The man, who asked not to be identified, pictures an undocumented woman and her children who may find refuge in his home someday.
The man says he’s never been in trouble before and has difficulty picturing that moment. But he’s well educated and understands the Fourth Amendment, which gives people the right to be secure in their homes, against unreasonable searches and seizures. He’s pictured the moment if ICE were to knock on his door.
“I definitely won’t let them in. That’s our legal right,” he says. “If they have a warrant, then they can come in. I can imagine that could be scary, but I feel the consequences of being passive in this moment is a little scary.”
Been reading the “Slash Controversies” section of Fanlore. I’m a long time fan, but some of this stuff is from way before my time, even. Mary Lou Dodge’s outrage over smut at Trek cons, for example.
Slash was still controversial in the mid to late ‘80s, when I got really involved in fandom. But the battles over whether it should be allowed at cons were more or less over. There were slash-only cons by then, but fan cons in general permitted slash. I’m told because slash fans were such a big part of fandom, they just couldn’t afford to exclude them, even if the con organizers disapproved of slash and would rather not allow it.
I remember discussing fanfic awards at a con once, with someone who was outraged that there were separate gen and slash categories. “Slash writers shouldn’t get special treatment,” she proclaimed. A couple of other fans explained that having separate categories was actually to protect the gen writers. Gen stories tended to lose to slash stories, because there were so many slash fans, and “slashers read across fandoms.” While gen fans tended to stick with their personal favorite fandom(s), slash fans often read (and voted for) slash in any fandom they found it in.
That wasn’t me. I tend to fall deeply in love with a fandom and/or character, and read everything I can find in that fandom, gen or slash. But I knew a lot of slash fans who fit the description. I used to zine-shop for friends at MediaWest. (People who couldn’t make it to the con would ask those who were going to buy zines for them, either giving them the money upfront or promising to pay them back later.) The slash fans often asked me to buy them slash in any fandom, as long as it was new.
And I didn’t know David Gerrold hated slash. As recently as 2013, he reiterated his feelings about K/S. He’s gay, so I thought he’d be a little more tolerant. His characterizing slash fans as “fat ladies with a sexual dysfunction” seems just a tad misogynist.
Though come to think of it, that’s not that unusual. A lot of gay men seemed perplexed and even offended at the idea of straight women writing gay smut. That changed, IME, in the ‘90s, when the Internet made it a lot easier for gay guys to find slash, and become a part of it. Minotaur‘s willingness to answer slash writers’ questions about m/m sex (and his good humor about it) made him popular both online and at cons.
He ended up writing in many fandoms, but his first was Voyager – in particular, Paris/Kim. Though his first story was more Kim/Ayala than P/K.
Minotaur was a godsend to us, and a wonderful man.
Minotaur proved what impact you can have with positivity rather than just bitching and throwing shade all the time.
Ahh, this took me back.
Some fandom history for y’all youngin’s out there.
Ugh, I still remember when he died. It was like a mass grieving across the fandoms. I was only 22 and I forget exactly how I ended up on his lj but he was just so damn open and funny and willing to talk about things that were rarely talked about in a healthy and informative manner. His writing taught me a lot, both in terms of basic human anatomy but also just how to tell a damn good story.
Then four years after his passing, there I was, being relegated to the LGBT kink dept in the publishing house (because nobody wanted it, can you BELIEVE) and with the absolute authority of someone who grew up reading minotaur’s works on fandom was able to say with confidence, “that’s not how the prostate works” to a room full of senior publishers attempting to cash in on the popularity of m/m works, with no idea what they were doing.
It was hilarious, and I feel he would have gotten a good laugh out of it.
Oh god. Minotaur would have laughed so much about that! (And been so proud of you.) Anyone else remember his list of ‘things you should not use as lube?’ Still miss his cheer.
Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming on you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workers who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter. You have condemned and murdered the innocent one, who was not opposing you.— James 5:1-6
At first I thought this was an angry Tumblr post but then it turned out to be the Literal Bible and it got 1000x better
Tumblr backup 