THINGS I NEED TO FUCKING KNOW: Why every fuckin trans man or nb person I know who binds is like “oh binders are the worst, you can’t breathe in them, I know someone who broke a rib once”,
And meanwhile over in historical costuming, we are fucking eating, sleeping, swordfighting, riding horses, and feeling great like this:
Omigods yes that’s what I used to make my trial binding corset for under a 1830′s gentleman’s costume! I adapted the Elizabethan Pattern Generator Corset to look more like the gentleman’s corset of the time as portrayed in satirical cartoons.
This was only the second pair of stays I made, but it already made me practically flat and was quite comfortable. I didn’t even full bone it and it looked like this:
(don’t judge me for the awful way the boning sticks out at the top, I am by no means a corsetry expert)
People who are actually good at stays will be able to make things like these with no trouble, because if something made from old sheets and recycled boning can do this, imagine what you can do with proper materials.
Just for fun, here’s me in my gentleman’s outfit:
It basically eliminates my boobs, but leaves the hips alone because at that time the hourglass silhouette was fashionable for men as well. I’m not exactly flat-chested, so I’d say for a first attempt this one is very succesful.
You are choosing to do that to yourselves. It’s not required of you or something you do in order to fucking live your life as you’d like to otherwise someone might misgender or harass you. Binding because of dysphoria and fucking cosplaying are two totally different things.
Whoa, this isn’t about trying to put transmasc people down compared to costumers. This is about saying, “Modern binders are based on medical compression technology–would it be possible to use other design methods from centuries past to make binding less painful and restrictive for people who bind today because of dysphoria?”
It’s about bringing two groups of people with really DIFFERENT experiences and motives, and saying, “Can we share knowledge and experiences to make trans peoples’ lives BETTER?”
He’s been so outspoken about toxic masculinity and it just gives me so much hope
Terry Crews is everything good and right with our world.
This was the moment I knew I would always love Terry Crews. Because he is shown a picture of himself with his clutch, and he says, “Women have the best ideas.” He does not go into a sloppy explanation about he’s “manly enough” to carry a purse. There’s no “I am a real man” horseshit dropped here. What he says is “Women have the best ideas.” And the rest of the story is basically, “I want to carry my own shit, and my wife always carries a purse with her own shit, so I got a purse for mine.”
Like, this is equality 101. You want to carry your own shit, grab a purse. There should be no judgement for carrying your own shit.
Terry Crews does not need our protection, but we must protect Terry Crews at all costs.
Even if they say “they didn’t mean it”, they’re still responsible for what they did.
Even if they say “they don’t remember it”, they’re still responsible for what they did.
Even if they say “you’re delusional, I would never do that, you made it up”, they’re still responsible for what they did, and for trying to gaslight and invalidate your memories.
Even if they say “I didn’t do it, and even if I did, I would be right to do it”, they’re still guilty for what they did.
Even if they have excuses, they’re still responsible for what they did.
Even if they act like it would have been crazy to expect from them to act any different way, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.
Even if they come at you with an entire agenda of how you should perceive what they did so it actually “benefits you”, even if they insist they did it for your own good, they’re still responsible for what they did to you, and for lying about it.
Even if they cry about how much it pains them to be accused of hurting you, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.
Even if they cry about how much they love you and how they did it all out of love and never meant to hurt you, it’s still their responsibility for what they did to you.
Even if they act like what they did shouldn’t have hurt you and you’re the one responsible for taking damage, for being sensitive to being abused, it’s still their responsibility for what they did to you.
Even if they blame you for what they did to you, they’re still responsible for what they did.
Even if they insist someone else did it to them too, even if they insist they had it worse than you, even if they say it’s a cultural thing, they’re still responsible for what they did to you.
Even if it was long ago, and they act like you’re wrong for remembering such old wrong doing, it’s still something they did, and they’re still responsible for doing it.
They can lie and deny and accuse and blame and invalidate and gaslight. It doesn’t absolve them of responsibility for what they did. It doesn’t absolve them from guilt.
Nothing can absolve abusers from responsibility for their own actions. Nothing.
gaslighting does not always involve them calling you “crazy”
sometimes gaslighting is you protesting over and over, and them saying “you don’t have to make such a big deal out of it”
sometimes it’s “i really tried my best with you, but clearly i couldn’t do it”
sometimes it’s “i would never do that to you”, “if you really asked me to stop, wouldn’t i have stopped?”,
“i don’t know what i’d do if i ever hurt you”
“denying and rewriting your reality” is not a one-time conversation, either. it is a sneak attack, flying under the radar and taking you out, one communication at a time, never drawing all the attention at once.
it is not your fault that you never saw it coming.
There have been a lot of protests and marches recently, and unless magical miracles happen soon, there will be many more. These protests are important and valuable, but you are not a bad person if your disability or mental illness prevents you from going.
These protests are long and loud and often in inaccessible places. If that means you can’t go or you can’t stay for very long, that does not make you a weak person. If arguing makes you anxious or could induce panic attacks, you don’t have to argue.
These next few years are going to bring a lot of awful changes and we should do everything we can to prevent them. But if your disability or mental illness prevents you from taking part in certain types of activism, that’s okay. You are not a bad person for not being able to do certain things.
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