even though i love children (especially my amazing nieces & nephews), i have never once in my life experienced the natural desire to have my own
but as a cis woman, i’ve been trained not to expect support with this. i’ve been told so often that it’s selfish of me to feel this way and/or that I’ll change my mind as i get older and/or that i’ll eventually regret my decision
i’m now almost 33 and still have no desire for a child and do not anticipate that changing anytime soon
i’m so damn tired of being patronized for this life choice that hurts NO ONE rather than being respected.
has anyone else experienced this too? either in full or in part??
It’s the worst! I’m infertile which actually doesn’t bug me at all. But people lose their shit when they find out I’m not a ‘real’ woman.
Yeah. One day, a friend said at a party that he didn’t want kids. I said I totally related because me neither.
Sooooooo… Another person I barely even know took it upon himself to try to convince me that kids were the greatest thing you could aspire to in life and that his children were his pride and joy and that I’d change my mind someday and yadda yadda…
I told him that what I did with my reproductive organs wasn’t up for debate and I asked him why he was trying to convince only ME despite my friend stating THE EXACT SAME SENTIMENT. I mean, they were both straight cis men so wouldn’t my friend relate to his experience with parenthood more that me?
Did that stop him? Did he also try to convince my friend?
Nope. He kept lecturing me for a whole hour (I know because I kept looking at my cellphone) until my partner got my texts and came to rescue me from that uncomfortable situation.
Six years later, I still don’t want kids and randos will try to convince me anyway.
All the time. I really don’t want kids – I certainly don’t want to be pregnant, I’d rather adopt – and most people either tell me I’ll change my mind on my own (not likely), my theoretical future husband will change my mind (also not likely and frankly insulting), or act like there’s something wrong with me and/or it’s a huge moral failing on my part.
It’s really infuriating. This is one of those topics where I think I’m going to just start walking away when people assume they know me and my preferences better than I know myself.
People are always surprised when I tell them I don’t like kids. Especially since I have one child but I had her when I was 18. She was not planned. I love her and she is now my best friend in the whole world. But I still don’t want kids and really don’t like being around them.
Ughhhhhh i hate this patronizing shit so much….. >______>.
Ftr, if I ever do choose to have children I’d do the same as @ladytemeraire. There is no way in hell I would go through pregnancy. There are enough children in the world that need a loving & safe home, and it would be wonderful if I could provide that to someone in need. You know, IF it came to that.
BUT, of course, when you tell ppl this they often freak out too, asking if you would really give up the chance to have one with your own genes (or those of your [assumed] MAN, which is, i think, where the whole “selfishness” discourse comes into play, but i could be wrong).
Meanwhile, here I am suffering with fibromyalgia and a bunch of other nasty chronic health disorders, my lil sis also has fibro and may have a bunch others, and my older sis… i don’t even wanna get into it. Oh and my grandma on my mom’s side had MS and every single woman (which were MANY) on my dad’s side got at LEAST breast cancer or more. My genes can end here afaic.
But to be clear, I’d be very very happy to give a loving home to someone that’s disabled/chronically ill like me, that would be so great! I just already don’t wanna be pregnant and have my own kid so this is just more fuel for my fire I guess? I am not even remotely suggesting it’s bad to have kids if they could be chronically ill or disabled, that’s horrible and wrong.
Bonus points:
YES!!!!!!! UGHHHHHHHHHH lol
How about when as a kid you wanted to have kids but as you entered into adulthood you learned not only about how much of a struggle parenthood is financially, but also the god awful horrific things it can do to the pregnant person’s body and the various medical malpractices that can occur from doctors not respecting their pregnant patient’s wishes and you decide “You know what? Maybe no on the whole kid thing.”
Then you wind up with your mother guilt tripping you about how heartbroken she is that you’re giving up your childhood dream of motherhood and implying that your mind changed because your fiancé doesn’t want kids and you just want to make him happy so you’re burying your maternal feelings for his sake and hurting yourself.
Like no, I just didn’t understand the physical, mental, emotional, and financial struggles of shoving another human out of my body when I was eight and now I’m better educated and don’t wanna deal with that shit unless I have to.
yeah youre soo fucking oppressed because your mom wants you to have kids 😂 😂 😂 when will yall stop
pretty sure no one said a peep about oppression or even asexuality, sweaty 😂 😂 😂 when will all u exclusionists stop 😂 😂 😂
“Have you seen most of the plus-size sections out there? It’s horrifying. Whoever’s designing for plus-size doesn’t get it. The entire garment needs to be reconceived. You can’t just take a size 8 and make it larger. In my travels, I’ve been an advocate for larger women. I’ve been talking to designers, but only a half-dozen make an effort. Most say, ‘I don’t want a woman who’s a size 10 or 11 wearing my clothes.’ Well, shame on you! It’s not realistic
Love him.
“You can’t just take a size 8 and make it larger.”
Praise Jesus and all the saints for him saying this because damn, most “PLUS SIZED” clothing is fugly.
Amen. The plus sized clothing out there is crazy and makes me just…
I’m not surprised he said this. Ever since the first season, when they’ve had to do garments for everyday people who aren’t models, there’s always one designer (at the very least) who flips out as though they’ve never in their life considered that people who aren’t a size 0 might wear their clothes. Tim always looks at them like he wants to drown them in a lake.
I love Tim Gunn so much and this is just one of the reasons. The other is that he is asexual and has copped a lot of flack for it in the media but he isn’t ashamed of what he is/is completely happy with who is. Next to Diane Von Furstenberg, he is one of my favourite people in the fashion industry.
My mom got to take a class taught by him and I AM FOREVER JEALOUS.What a cool guy
I DID NOT KNOW TIM GUNN WAS ASEXUAL
THIS IS SO WONDERFUL
IM GONNA CRY
WELCOME MY ACE BRETHREN
We do not, as a world, deserve the goodness that is Tim Gunn. My mom (a large woman in her late-fifties at the time) met him at a lecture and he spent several minutes complimenting her dress (which she made herself) and discussing why she’d had to start making ALL her own clothes (could no longer find nice, pretty things in her size) and then laughing over being the oldest people in the room (since it was a university lecture largely attended by students). My mom hasn’t felt good about her weight in years, but Tim Gunn made her proud of knowing how to dress for her shape and her taste in fabric patterns. According to my brother who witnessed all this, she was beaming.
I would die on a battlefield for Tim Gunn.
Just confirmed the ace thing, I hadn’t heard about it but it looks like he came out in an interview!
I feel like there’s a balance h
that needs to be struck between not glorifying bad things, and allowing adult characters in adult media to do things that they would likely do, given their socioeconomic class or whatever.
Dean Winchester is an alcoholic. This is basically canon, though he’s been healthier about it recently. They can show that on television. But smoking is right out? I feel like if SPN had been made before the 2000s, Dean would have definitely been a smoker.
now, I don’t understand. Supernatural set Castiel up to be a father figure for Claire, right? That was the whole point of Claire’s storyline, to give Cas a sense of his own family etc etc
But then, supernatural also set up Dean as Claire’s father figure? But they didn’t do the same with Sam.
Like, that is something spn did ON PURPOSE.
they literally made Cas and Dean Claire’s dads.
This post is inaccurate.
They set up Sam to be the cool uncle who teaches her credit card fraud when her responsible adults aren’t looking.
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