Actually genuinenly enjoying my customer service job sometimes

shenko:

his-quietus-make:

uncannycookie:

Customer (calling from Ireland): “Yes hello, I would like to -”

Sheep in the background: *gentle baa*

Customer: “Uh, sorry, what I want to do is -”

Sheep: *slightly more insistent baa*

Customer: “No, not now! -cough- Excuse me. I have a reservation and -”

Sheep: *VERY LOUD ACCUSATORY BAA*

Customer: Arnulf! Please be quiet, I am on the phone! … Sorry, I sincerely apologize on behalf of Arnulf.”

me: “I love and forgive him.”

Customer: “Don’t, he doesn’t deserve it. Anyway, I’m calling about -”

Arnulf: *small, very self-satisfied baa*

I once took my kids to a local farm and we found a lil goat with its horns stuck in a fence, just sitting there kinda mournfully on the grass. We tried to help it get free but it was stuck tight. We petted it for a while and fed it some grass (as it had lawnmowered a circle around itself as far as it could reach), and then went back to the ticket office to tell them it needed help, but before I’d said more than: “There’s a goat-” the guy cut me off with a weary wave and said, “Yeah, we know. Stuck in the fence. That’s Brenda. She can get herself out whenever she wants. She just likes the attention.” 

Trolled by a fucking goat. 

i’m fucking dying
“yeah that’s brenda”

abscidium:

please remember that in a healthy, adult relationship (romantic or not), you should be able to talk about things that are bothering you. if you are bottling up your emotions and holding it against someone when you haven’t told them what is wrong, you’re not engaging in healthy behaviour. but also, if your friend/significant other makes you feel as though you can’t talk about what bothers you- i.e. has made you feel guilty/gotten extraordinarily angry when things were brought up in the past- they are not engaging in healthy behaviour.

deducecanoe:

taraljc:

lemonsharks:

THESE COULD BE YOUR CATS. candice.velasco@gmail.com #formerferal #catandkitten #mamacat #tuxedocat #blackcat #adoptacat #fostercat #fostercats #fostercatsofinstagram #cats #catsofinstagram

Meet Scardeycat, and her intrepid son, Toast.

I first met Scardeycat circa late 2015/early 2016. She used to freeze when she saw me sat in the chair outside my back door, and then run away. I would feed her, but she wouldn’t start eating until I had gone. It took about a year, but soon she safe minimum distance shrank to about 6 feet and she became a regular. And mostly she lived under the deck on top of the garage.

Emboldened, with the help of my bff @lemonsharks I built two DIY winter feral cat shelters and place them outside my back door. I was convinced I had failed, and the shelters were useless, but Candice insisted they 

were but just not when I could see cos cats are nocturnal mostly.

Then in the cold and wet spring of 2017, Scardeycat had a litter of kittens under the deck. She moved them, when the weather got colder and wetter, into one of the shelters. 

I spent pretty much all of April and May feeding mama and babies, and hanging out with them and unknowlingly socialising Scardeycat, who stopped hissing (mostly) and safe minimum distance shrank to about 8 inches. But four kittens was a lot of kittens and it was stressing her out, so Candice and I kidnapped the babies, who I’d named Flynn, Jones, Stone, And Cain. They came to live at Candice’s apartment, and we socialised them mostly through Stockholm Syndrome, and we kept Flynn and took the other Librarian kittens to the Anti-Cruelty Society who got them adopted out in less than a week.

Flynn is the best cat ever, except for your cat, who is also the best cat ever.

We kept saying we would TNR Scardeycat, but before we could, in most likely September, she had another litter of kittens–this time just two. I named them Shadow and Ghost, based on their behaviour. Shadow never left Scardeycat’s side, while Ghost took off like their ass was on fire every time I came outside until the lure of free wet food and heated cat shelters proved too much to ignore.

When I came back from two weeks with my family, during which time Boo and my upstairs neighbours had been in charge of feeding the ferals, Ghost disappeared. I choose to believe they were adopted and are now an indoor cat living the cushy life of a beloved pet. In the meantime, I bonded with Shadow, and Scardeycat had moved permanently from beneath the deck to the heated cat shelters.

Then in mid-January, Scardeycat went into heat. Tomcats from miles around appeared in out back garden, and annoyed one of the owners in my building, who gave me an ultimatum: stop feeding the cats, or bring them inside, or he was calling Animal Control. On top of that, one tom was very aggressive, and kept cornering and attacking Shadow. So I lured Shadow into my basement apartment with wet food. We got her into the guest bath after a week in the Utility Room with the intent of socialising her and getting her adopted.

At this point, I should probably mention there was water damage from a massive leak next to my HVAC system, as well as mould and mildew and God knows what else in the Utility Room. So I ended up with bronchitis in February, but it passed and I realised one day that o shit I was screwed, I was in love with Shadow the Pineapple Upsidedown Cat.

Fast forward to April. Scardeycat had another litter of kittens in the cat shelter, which was now located directy outside my back door. We got the entire nest into the utility room, and then like a horrible person, used the babies as bait to get Scardey to follow them inside. Mum and babies were transferred to guest bath, and the PLAN was to socialise them and get them all adopted.

The PLAN went all to hell when, less than a week later, I had a severe asthma attack and ended up in the ICU with acute respiratory failure, and spent 10 days on a ventilator. Candice and her wonderful roommate Mel took in Shadow, Scardey, and the babies, I recovered, spent three weeks with my family in Florida after rehab, and three of the four kittens–named Pita, Tortilla, Baguette, and Toast–were adopted.

Long story short, we would prefer it if the now completely non-feral Scardeycat and her ridiculous intrepid son Toast can be adopted together, because we feel guilty for repeatedly kidnapping Scardeycat’s babies. Also, for those of you who are concerned, Shadowcat is still at Candice’s, and I visit her and Flynn as often as I can.

Scardey and Toast have lived with Candice since April 16, and are wonderful cats. Toast is a slut for cuddles, and he has been altered, and his ears are too big for his head and he’s ridiculous. Scardeyca has all her shots and had her 3D Kitten Printer removed in May, and is still small, and quiet, but she will come up onto Candice’s bed and allow herself to be cuddled and even picked up and snuggled, but she mostly is not a lap cat.She is however a wonderful cat. She has had a very very hard life, and now deserves a Forever Home with humans who cater to her every desire, and she and Toast can have long and happy lives as indoor cats.

Here’s where you come in! Do you or someone you know love cats? Are you within driving distance of Chicago? PLEASE ADOPT THESE CATS. They are amazing pets, and need a home. They are fixed, vaxxed, and chipped, and ready to go onto their next great adventure! 

PLEASE REBLOG THIS POST. Spread the word, and help us find a Forever Home for Scardeycat and Toast.

Let’s find these precious babies a home, internet! We can do it!

tinkdw:

holytrenchcoatedsubtextchuck:

allmy-otps:

thatsnotwhoifuckingam:

malevolent-dean:

thatsnotwhoifuckingam:

youhaveaguineapigwhere:

daydreamdestiel:

I’m crying. 😂😂😂

Jensen 👏 was 👏 behind 👏 the 👏 camera. I repeat 👏 Jensen 👏 was 👏 behind 👏 the 👏 camera

And Misha is totally giving him bedroom eyes…

I cannot believe Alex went from “I will not give my DNA for a paternity test” to “Misha’s denying my child support claims” I MEAN

When you see the money, get in there and TAKE IT.  

I can’t with them ❤️

this feels so weirdly domestic 

I love it

I love this cast

Zombie apocalypses are curiously lacking a large array of common equipment that could neatly control the situation.

re-jet-irony:

rensbogusadventure:

govthookercoulson:

“But we can’t build walls to contain them!”

Moves by truck, train or boat. Ridiculously common. And see those holes on the bottom? Mobile by forklift. Also, HEAVY, even when empty they’re in the tons. If you had some warning you could string these things end to end for miles and human bodies can’t move them. Plus they’re nice and wide so you can comfortably walk on top of them for patrols.

“But we don’t have easy ways to kill them!”

Put the shotgun down you fucking idiot.

No tires to pop. Heavy and slow but inevitable. Climbing required to enter and thus, relatively zombie proof, especially if you spend like an hour to protect the glass.

A lot of large farming equipment can destroy cars.

Want to guess what it’d do to a decaying human body? It’s not pretty.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Merely flattening them with common construction equipment or farming gear isn’t enough.

How about a

tree trimmer that can mulch a tree top to bottom in nothing flat?

OM NOM NOM NOM.

“But we need ways to move a lot of people that zombies can’t stop!”

BEEP BEEP MOTHERFUCKER. Deer don’t have a chance and neither does a zombie.

“But that’s not good enough!”

NOW it’s time to call our friend the military because this ride stops for no one.

Do I need to keep going or is it clear the movies are bullshit yet? Seriously a dozen prepared people with heavy equipment licenses could clear an entire street of zombies AND powerwash it after.

Country folk can survive

Dude stack those connexes up and you got a sweet home. Lived and worked outta one for a year.

tsarcasm:

not to harp on this point but the care with which a girl you’ve known for maybe three weeks will ask you “what’s wrong?” if you look even mildly distressed is more emotional labor than you’d receive from any man over the course of six lunar cycles

if my dad sees me crying, he pretends he’s getting a call so that we don’t have to have an awkward conversation, but a drunk girl who stumbled across me in a public bathroom would literally become my emotional triage nurse

argumate:

kropotkhristian:

thetrashiestoftrash:

kropotkhristian:

image
image

“But then Ocasio-Cortez spoke, followed by Bush, and I saw something
truly terrifying. I saw just how easy it would be, were I less involved
and less certain of our nation’s founding and its history, to fall for
the populist lines they were shouting from that stage.

I saw how easy it would be, as a parent, to accept the idea that my children deserve healthcare and education.

I
saw how easy it would be, as someone who has struggled to make ends
meet, to accept the idea that a “living wage” was a human right.

Above
all, I saw how easy it would be to accept the notion that it was the
government’s job to make sure that those things were provided.”

You guys, the Daily Caller just published the funniest thing I have ever read in my entire life. It is literally an article where a conservative is just terrified to death that they nearly felt empathy and love.

This article is like the biggest proof I have ever read that conservatives are just pathologically afraid of kindness. 

You guys, I shit you not, this is an actual factual article by an actual factual conservative saying that they are “terrified” by the idea that their children deserve healthcare and education.

There’s… not even a punchline. Like, the article concludes just a few lines after the quoted section, with no suggestion for why anyone SHOULDN’T support things like universal healthcare. Not even a token “but, you know, the money,” or “but you have to EARN it.” It just ends.

I guess the audience is expected to fill in the blanks? Like “gosh, I almost cared about an unrelated human being, but CLEARLY the very concept is absurd.” Which is… pretty sad, honestly.

I’m telling you, at least according to this article, it is literally just terrifying to think that your kids deserve healthcare and education.

That’s literally it. There isn’t anything else.

“I saw how easy it would be, as a parent, to accept the idea that my children deserve healthcare and education“ is one fucking hell of a sentence, really.

penny-anna:

penny-anna:

penny-anna:

The Hobbits try shoes

Sam: *walking about like a cat in booties* oh no… Oh no…

Frodo: *stands up* *immediately falls down*

Merry: you just spend all your time with your feet in… jail? In foot jail?? This is the worst

Pippin: *stomping about* haha Merry look, I’m a human! Get out of my way! I’m in a hurry! Where’s my horse? My name’s Boromir- *trips over laces and goes down hard* ow

Pippin: Merry help I’m stuck Merry *wrenching at shoes* STOP LAUGHING i’M A TOOK WE HAVE WIDE FEET

Merry: why are there so many laces this is so over-complicated

Frodo: *frantically kicking off shoes* nope nope nope nope nope

Gimli: Sam just walk normally

Sam: I don’t know where my feet are!

Gimli: they’re at the ends of your legs lad!

Sam: Mister Frodo help

& while all this is happening literally every other member of the Fellowship losing their gotdamn shit at the sight of a bunch of grown men (+Pippin) unable to figure out how shoes work

Frodo: alright I’m going to try again *stands up* *WHAM* oww

Aragorn: *sobering up* Okay Frodo seriously take those off before you really hurt yourself

~later~

Pippin: I suddenly have a new respect for all you shoe-wearing folks

Boromir: Pippin no offence but that is literally one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard anyone say