tbh the worst thing about being a self aware mentally ill person is that people assume that because you understand your illness you’re automatically able to actually apply your knowledge to your life and cure yourself
Do I know my brain isn’t making the most sense right now? Yes. Can I stop it? No.
it really is its own form of hell yes i abso-fucking-lutley know thing bad, still doing thing and know thing bad yes im trying my hardest to not
A slightly better kind of hell is being an extremely empathetic person watching from the outside, knowing you can’t help because you can’t force someone to follow rules or do things the correct way. It’s not their fault, but it doesn’t make spending five to eight hours a day with them any less toxic and stressful, especially in a two-person job environment.
I have my own mental issues- namely anxiety, and having to manage someone else’s mental issues as a nearly-everyday part of my otherwise low-stress job is… I’m not sure how to describe it.
It’s weird being so educated about mental health and depression and psychology and neurons and the way the brain functions. Like when I first started struggling with depression, as a weird kind of joke (which I actually appreciated and thought was funny, which is not usual…
There needs to be a code word or something that means “my brain is fighting me every step of the way today and I feel like I’m going to vibrate out of my skin, so I need you to forgive everything and go slowly and speak softly and lower your expectations.” And then we could all just be like, “I know I said we could go to a movie tonight but… tangerines.” And the other person would nod and squeeze your elbow or rub your head and you wouldn’t feel like a failure.
So, basically, a mental health safeword. I approve of this.
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