dustydreamsanddirtyscars:

11×17 “Red Meat”
Dean and the Thing about Dying

There were a lot of devastating and deeply unsettling things shown in this episode relating to Dean’s emotional state of mind, but these moments here of Dean actively committing suicide by overdosing on drugs would have to be one of the most heartbreaking things ever imo. I mean we have seen Dean go to desperate measures and “flirt” with Death before like that by dying, but somehow this moment here was way more unsettling to watch for me, because on the one hand it is just one more subtle nod to Dean’s knowledge and experience when it comes to drugs, but it also just showcases how bad and alarming his depression truly is, because he is so weirdly calm and okay with dying – sadly that’s nothing new, but it paints a devastating picture. The scenes of Dean choking and seizing would have to be the most gut wrenching moments of the entire series to me tbh. Especially when you see how Dean in the veil is looking on to the scene and knows exactly what they need to do to bring him back to life. One can just wonder where the experience stems from, from knowing exactly what they need to do. Whatever the answer is, it is a sad one.