Here’s where Lustiel done messed up. So we have Dean opening up to who he assumes is Cas, Lustiel pretends his best to mimic the -oh so warm and affectionate- Castiel to where he lays a hand on his shoulder, tells him it scares him too, they will find out what it is, etc. Dean is legit worried, he needs his angel to do his usual thing where he comforts him, assures him that everything will be fine, and it seems to go okay until Lustiel says, “In the end, it may help draw her out” and right there, we could see Dean’s heart break from his expressions here, there it is. No, Cas would never say this. Cas would say something like “I won’t let you near her again, I will do whatever it takes to break that connection before you have to face her again.” or something along those lines. But no, he wants to “use” this to draw her out? Put Dean in harm’s way and make him even more scared and uncomfortable?
So this, I believe, is one of the reasons the Banshee came after Dean due to a broken heart, as the hint of it was also already set up with the manager of the Retirement Home. Dean reminded us twice the dude was brokenhearted and it was grounds enough to draw the Banshee to him. Another hint was the scene when Cas says to Dean that he won’t have to face Amara alone, Dean thanks him but seems off, like it wasn’t what he wanted or needed to hear. He’s clearly disappointed here.
Dean knows something is off because Cas would never in a million years use him as bait.
THIS. Dean didn’t like "Castiel"s words at all.
Also, shit, you just don’t say stuff like to someone who has felt like a tool to be used and discarded their whole life. It’s how John treated Dean, but Cas became someone who cared about Dean specifically, not what Dean could do for him.
Lucifer knows that, and is using it to his advantage, but it’s playing merry hell with Dean’s sense of self-worth, because he’s programmed to doubt whether anyone actually cares for him.
Friendly reminder that it’s Lucifer who uses the word “attraction”. Dean doesn’t deny it because he himself doesn’t know how to define it. He just looks at “Cas” with a troubled expression. He clearly considers the word, he probably thinks he can’t rule out that it’s the right word. He doesn’t know what the right word is, so he thinks that “Cas” could be right. His expression looks guilty, which is explained by Lucifer’s judgmental look – Dean thinks Cas is giving him that look, and he feels bad because he thinks everything is his fault. Then, though, he says “whatever it is, attraction, connection”. He doesn’t embrace the word attraction. He corrects it with connection, he has looked for a different word, and you do that when the word that has been proposed doesn’t sound like the right word to you, even if you’re not fully aware of it.
“Attraction” is framed as the wrong word, a word that Lucifer has put in Dean’s head and now Dean is considering as a possibility because he thinks Cas has said it.
I think everyone is missing the most important part of this gif. 🙂 Dean is sitting on the green cooler, which means they didn’t lose it in 11×04. Here’s hoping he bleached it well before using it again.
this describes exactly EXACTLY my thoughts/feelings on the ‘pining’ situation (like, seriously – the breakdown of reactions to that line and the whole thought process about it is SO EXACTLY MINE it’s creepy – high fiv for being analysis twins on this, or something! :p)
Just gonna pick out the following for being particularly astute imo:
Mildred has created this construction of Dean–that Dean is single, he’s pining for someone, but he’s afraid to go after it, to follow his heart. and we already know that Dean is afraid of his attraction to Amara. he stated that explicitly in this very episode. but the subtext of the episode also suggested that he’s ALSO afraid of his attraction to Cas–for different reasons. and so maybe the ambiguity persists, maybe the attraction to Cas remains nothing but potentially unintentional subtext. when we hear Dean is pining for someone, it could come off as creepy–Mildred unintentionally referring to his connection with Amara.
where I think I honestly, honestly have to push back on that skepticism though, is where Mildred encourages Dean to go after what he desires, to “follow his heart,” that this is the secret to a long and happy life. […] and I think word choice is key, too–if the intended effect was a creepy allusion to Amara, it would have been far better for Mildred to say “I know when someone’s heart already belongs to someone else.” if she had said that, I would immediately assume it was an Amara thing. it would have had the right air of creepy, of the unwelcome possessiveness she exhibits toward Dean. but pining?Dean cannot resist Amara when he’s around her, but he’s hardly ‘pining’ for her. so it can’t be about Amara. it’s so clear, then, that it must be Cas. we know that Dean enjoys Cas’s company, that he misses him when he’s gone. Cas has the best shot of anyone at giving Dean a long and happy life. isn’t that a known truth, with or without the romantic factor?
Bolded parts are what I think are particularly key –
Dean is explicitly SCARED of his ‘attraction’ to Amara, that is stated outright. But as said above, he is arguably implied as scared of his feelings for / attraction to CAS as well. There’s a proper parallel between the two relationships going on.
But as with all parallels, they are about highlighting the DIFFERENCES as much as the similarities between two things – and the central difference here is, imo, the nature of Dean’s fear in both instances.
Why is he is scared of his ‘attraction’ to Amara? So far it seems to me because the attraction doesn’t seem his own, it is something being forced on him (hence why he feels he CAN’T resist it), and he is scared it will overpower him and take away his free will, change him into someone he doesn’t want to be.
Why is he scared of his (potential) attraction to Cas? This is ofc less clear, as it hasn’t been addressed specifically, but I think we can at the very least say he is NOT scared of Cas or his feelings for Cas overriding his free will? – which alone is a major difference, marking his fears about his feelings for Cas as the OPPOSITE to the kind of fear he feels about Amara. Based on my general reading of Dean over the course of the show I would say he is afraid of his feelings for Cas because, again unlike with Amara, he knows these feelings ARE his own and is a) anxious about what that means about who he is, since Cas is (to all intents and purposes) a guy, and as I read Dean that’s something that will trouble him, like he’ll think him as a guy having ~feelings for another guy is weak or weird or some macho bullshit and c) afraid what the consequences might be if he acts on his feelings – which means fear of a shit ton of things, like if Sam might be weird around him if he became romantically involved with Cas, if Cas were to reject his advances, if embarking on another romantic relationship might lead to tragedy/heartbreak like his previous ones, if Cas being romantically involved with him might turn out harmful for Cas etc.
In a nutshell –
I think Dean is scared of his ‘attraction’ to Amara because
he DOESN’T LIKE OR WANT the feelings he has for her and certainly DOESN’T WANT TO ACT ON THEM, but equally DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO RESIST THEM.
While in opposition, I think Dean is scared of his (potential) attraction to Cas because he DOES LIKE AND WANT the feelings he has for him and absolutely DOES WANT TO ACT ON THEM, but equally DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO EMBRACE THEM.
So… yeah – these two relationships, with Amara and Cas, really do seem at this point to have been placed in tandem to show (as many have been saying all along) that they are equal but OPPOSITE to each other (right down to the sexes involved).
(and yeah, only in one of the two relationships does Dean’s feelings, as they seem to me to be being conveyed, really fit, well ANY definition of ‘pining’ – so I agree that word choice feels ~significant)
It hits Dean like a ton of bricks; his thoughts have tumbled like a Jenga tower, pieces crashing onto the floor in a way that makes his head ring. Words like vulnerable and pining and something off swim before his eyes as he sits up, the heels of his palms pressing into his eyes.
“Fuck.” The curse is breathed, like Dean is too tired and weak to do more then resign himself to the truth that has been causing his body to physically ache. “Fuck.”
He barely gets to the bathroom in time to vomit.
Clutching to the porcelain of the toilet, Dean digs his fingers into the hard surface, his fingers turning white as he coughs and gags. Exhausted, the hunter rests his head on the ceramic and heaves a deep breath.
The first thing, and arguably the most important, is that Cas isn’t Cas. Whatever happened in the cage—whatever stupid, self-sacrificial decision Castiel thought he’d make for the good of the world has probably landed himself a backseat in his body, with Satan driving the buggy. Just the thought makes Dean’s stomach roil.
The second is that he is in love.
He, Dean Winchester, King of the One-Night Stand, has fallen so deeply and blindly that he has no idea how to dig himself out. This love isn’t like the heart-racing, giddy thing he had with Cassie; or the steady, comfortable thing he had with Lisa; and it’s worlds removed from the nervous, uncomfortable, trance-like thing he has with Amara.
…This love is so profound it’s written in the marrow of his bones. It makes his heart race and his mouth go dry and his palms sweat and it’s so deeply comfortable that Dean doesn’t know what to do with himself. It’s watching sunsets and taking cases close to home and retiring with arthritic hands and creaking knees. Wiping his mouth, Dean forces himself up with a grunt and goes to re-brush his teeth.
What is he supposed to do?
He’s got the Devil in his best friend, God’s psycho sister out have him in the most disturbing way possible, and his brother is riding the guilt train straight towards Dumb Decision-ville.
Sighing, Dean lets himself collapse on his bed once more, scooting over to one of the edges and looking at the negative space he’s left. He then bites his lip and turns away. “Cas?” he breathes into the darkness. “I know you’re riding shotgun, but maybe you can hear me anyway?”
Though Dean doesn’t expect an indication he’d been heard, he’s still disappointed when nothing happens. Exhaling a big, shaky breath, the hunter squeezes his eyes shut in his upset, refusing to cry. “I-I miss you.”
Nothing.
“…I love you.”
Silence.
And that’s when he remembers.
Pulling back the covers, Dean pads out of the room and down into the basement, feeling through the dark until he reaches the correct storage room. The coat is exactly where Lucifer had left it, and Dean grasps it tightly in his hands before walking briskly back to his bed.
Dean feels ridiculous, but he’s more distraught than concerned with how he must look, and so slips the garment on over his pjs, breathing in at the shoulder. It smells like Cas. “’M sorry,” he breathes into the fabric, fingers running along its edges. Even as soft as it is, his voice cracks. “Sorry that you felt like you had to do this, or wanted to do it, or… or whatever. Sorry, Cas.” Dean swallows thickly and wraps himself in both the coat and his covers as he makes himself comfortable, eyes once again drawn to empty space he instinctually leaves. “I’ll save you,” he vows quietly to the other side of his bed, reaching a hand out to touch the nothingness that rests there. “I promise, Cas.”
Letting his eyes slip shut, he buries himself further into the coat.
Tumblr backup 