12×19. It was so painful as well because Cas had been missing for a few episodes and Dean had been acting like a worried husband, then Cas came back and we get this beautiful Romeo and Juliet shot first:
“what light through yonder window breaks?”
… like wowzers o.O
Then we get all our minds blown to smithereens with THIS
and THEN after that insanely tense and romantic moment (which continues to kill me btw) we get the exchange between Sam and Dean with the “other way” they were looking for which led to Dean being all happy and saying:
WHICH THEN lead to THIS BRUTAL SCENE:
WHICH URGH IMPLIES FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER THAT CAS MAYBE HAS A ROOM OF HIS OWN AND LOOK AT DEAN’S HEARTBREAK AT CAS LEAVING AGAIN WTF MY HEART?
Which then lead to THIS:
WHICH I KID YOU NOT STOPPED MY HEART ON FIRST WATCH BECAUSE I THOUGHT THESE FUCKERS WERE GONNA KISS EVEN THOUGH IT WOULD HAVE MADE NO SENSE THATS HOW MUCH THIS MOMENT OOZES SEXUAL TENSION AND JUST ARGH THIS FUCKING EPISODE.
And lets be clear here, these are only a few choice moments out of the insane WEALTH OF MOMENTS from 12×19. 12×19 is like the epitome of Destiel in one episode. It has angst, it has heartbreak, it has mutual pining, it has a “kind of” love confession, it oozes with sexual tension, it has prolonged eye sex, it has an awkward Sam stuck in the middle… it has EVERYTHING.
I hate it.
12×19 is a masterpiece of subtextual film making and romantic subplot exploration to the highest degree. People will be writing essays about this episode for years to come. I have never had the displeasure of having my heart ripped out so forcefully and unexpectedly as in this episode and I frequently cry about it even now over a year later. I will never be done picking it apart.
So Nonny, I have gone wildly off topic seeing as you only wanted to know where the gif was from, but basically what I’m say is; re-watch 12×19 and join me in the destiel trash can. We can cry together and braid Sam’s hair – He’s here with me of course, doing a fine job as group Chairman. He prefers the dutch plait to the french FYI. But don’t tell him I told you that.
This is my blog, and I’m going to just say a little thing about Destiel because I want to, and I can. Especially because this is the least amount of queerbaiting we’ve ever seen in this show thus far. Why? Because there’s a lot of nuance for those of us who grew up in the Mix Tape Generation, and to us, there’s absolutely no way to misinterpret this scene.
Here’s why I liked it, and found it so wonderful.
There was no reason for this scene. None. It did not play to the overall narrative of the episode, or even, the show in general, which is how a lot of the queerbaiting on the show is done. And you can go ahead and say that it’s just showing that Dean thinks Castiel is a part of the family now and that’s how he’s showing it, but Dean doesn’t make mix tapes for Sam. Or anyone that we know of. It was a small scene. Castiel means to return the tape and Dean gives it back. He says, “it’s a gift. You keep those.”
Now, this is a significant scene for being so brief.
Dean Winchester was born January 24, 1979. Which makes him about my age. And here’s what I remember about people giving other people mix tapes:
You gave your crush a mix tape to say your feelings and hopefully end up macking in the janitor’s closet after fourth period in middle/high school.
If you weren’t making that mix tape for yourself, you were making it for your crush.
Also, the most meaningful band in existence to Dean Winchester, born January 24, 1979 is Led Zeppelin.
So. He didn’t just make a mix tape to give to Castiel. He made a mix tape of HIS favorite music to give to Castiel. That’s Level 2 flirting through mix tape sociology. And we already know how much Dean treasures his music. How meaningful it is to him. One of the most popular lines from the show, to this day, is: “driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole.”
This small, insignificant scene is probably lost on the younger viewers who didn’t grow up in a mix tape generation, but let me say this: for any of us who were born circa January 24, 1979, knows that this small, insignificant scene is anything but.
Mix tapes had power.
Mix tapes had significance.
Mix tapes were confessions.
I’m going to be screaming about this for at least five years.
But wait, I have more to say.
Giving a mix tape back means one of two things.
1) I don’t like you. 2) Basically the equivalent of giving back a promise ring.
We all know that Cas likes Dean. Loves him, according to his own words a few episodes back. So that nixes number 1 on the list. So that leaves 2. Why would he be giving back a promise ring? Because he thinks he’s pissed Dean off too much for him to want to stay together.
Then Dean insists he keep it. If Dean wanted to break up, he would have accepted it back. But nope. Don’t give back the promise ring, Cas. This argument is not the end of us. I still care about you. Keep it. It’s a gift.
I posit that Castiel didn’t even know the real significance of it, being an angel. He thought Dean was giving him something to be entertained by. Dean didn’t tell him it was a gift until Castiel tried to return it! Which is so very Dean being allergic to his feelings until he can’t be anymore. He’s not going to openly flirt with Cas or give him a line like he does the women he sleeps with because Cas means something to him. And he realizes that Castiel won’t understand the significance of a “confession” like a mix tape. Dean could play it off with fear of rejection if it was that. But it means something to DEAN. And Castiel starts to understand that the second he took it back!
Yeah I don’t think Cas understood what he was doing. But those of us in the Mix Tape Generation totally understood what the symbolism was. And Dean clarified to Castiel that gifts are meant to be kept.
How else am I, a child of the Mix Tape Generation, supposed to interpret that other than Dean saying I GAVE YOU MY HEART, CAS, YOU CAN’T JUST GIVE IT BACK DAMMIT.
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